Warning – this story contains some sexual content.
“Sprinkles” and I met on the app and we hit it off. In the two months we were dating he met my friends, shared his love of gardening with me and we had many delicious meals! He invited me over and I had prepared (shaved my legs and wore cute underwear), I was ready! He took me on a tour of his place and I noticed that it was more organized than a showroom. Even his copious amount of plants were organized. He showed off his bathroom drawer that had dividers and colour coding and I was honestly afraid to rip the toilet paper wrong. He showed me the bedroom and there was a hook in the ceiling. I had not been the most adventurous in the past and I foolishly asked if that was for a hanging plant. No, not a hanging plant. I will wait while some of you laugh at me, he sure did. He asked if I was into kink and I said I was more “vanilla with sprinkles” (hence his nickname). He had a closet of scary things. Whips, cuffs, ties, and you guessed it, a swing. He had it all. I was immediately a little nervous and he assured me that it was not a deal breaker that I was a bit less adventurous than he was. And if he was ok with patience and less of the kink, I was ok too. He invited me to spend the night and I accepted but we just slept. I was very self conscious that I had mishandled the closet reveal, but in the morning he was eager to take our dating to the next level. He took medication to get himself into it and then I saw why he had the closet and why he needed to pill. I had never seen a micro penis before. I am a smaller person so it was not an issue for me. I was just happy to be there with a guy I liked.
Very shortly after that, my friend and I were attending a beer festival out of the country. She and I were both excited and just going down for the night and try some beers. I told him that I wasn’t going to pay the crazy fees to text while I was down there and I would only be out of range for about 24 hours. I got back late that next day after dropping my friend off and Sprinkles was a morning person so I knew he’d be asleep and I had to be up early the next morning for work. On my way into work he messaged (7am on a Sunday) “So I haven’t heard from you in more than a day so I guess we’re done”. Whoa! I got into the office and messaged back and reminded him that I was out of town and that I was currently at work and perhaps we should talk later. We talked and I had to call it, it was the culmination of the red flags.
The highly organized apartment, the BDSM closet, the micro penis or even the medication for erectile dysfunction, each on their own was not a red flag. Put together and with the need to be in 24/7 communication were a mountain of concern with a red flag waving on top that I couldn’t ignore.
Due to sensitive nature of this content I couldn’t find the perfect beer pairing for this story. So I am asking you, dear reader, to share your favourite micro brewery in the comments section below.